“Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.” (William Congreve)

Don’t worry..Ms. Woods..We have all been there and done that…I myself have stood on a few occasions in the middle of the street screaming at a man who wronged me. There might even have been just a tiny bit of slappin’ too. Thank God, the worst of my trailer park moments were in Los Angeles. Way before Rodney King and the little cameras cops carry everywhere. And I didn’t even own a tube top back then; however, I have since discovered that the elastic is just right for holding in pesky muffin-top…Sexy!!!

But the real question, I am now faced with is..If this woman doesn’t do it for her husband, what chance do the rest of us have?

Seriously…has Tiger opened his eyes and seen his wife lately?? Or is he only able to see his own reflection in those big brown irises? I am a woman, a straight woman, and I can admit that this woman looks like an angelic goddess from a Botticelli painting.  All she needs is wings and a bunch of damn grapes.

And this wasn’t just a one night mistake, this was a thirty-one month long affair that appeared to end only after the bastard got caught. They say his mistress is from Los Angeles, but something about this smells like Vegas. Fricken Vegas!! If Hollywood is the city of broken dreams, Vegas is the city of broken relationships (and misspelled tattoos). Everything seems sexy when it is bathed in fluorescent neon…I might just install a neon bathroom mirror.

And what is men’s obsession with cocktail-waitresses??…Maybe I need to ditch the Harvard degree/professor gig  and start slinging hooch to find me a relationship that lasts over six months. Or maybe I just need to carry a flask and keep my dates all liquored up. HMMM….

I have been cheated on before, and I can still taste that feeling of shock and betrayal. Now, just in case the powers that be decide to knock me off my high-horse, I have to admit here in print that I once cheated on someone I loved. It was a stupid mistake born out of boredom and dissatisfaction with myself. I had quite the fabulous mid-life crisis…Many many years later, I’m still working through a list of apologies. It is a decision that I regret very much, and I’m not sure that my heart, my mind, or my karma will ever be the same. Interesting enough, I recently reviewed the old e-mails from my sent box and pretty much the majority of them boasted the heading, “I’m sorry or “I’m An Arse.”  So, maybe I shouldn’t be throwing stones.

Not that being a member of the flawed masses makes it OK, but infidelity is a shockingly common problem in our society. I honestly don’t know if it is in human nature to be monogamous. I do know that humans live a heck of a lot longer these days. Finding a partner that a person can stand for all those years and being able to adapt and grow as a couple over several decades is perhaps an outdated dream. Still..it’s a nice dream. I just wish there was some sot of support system provided for us impulsive people who struggle with the lure of forbidden tail. Maybe some sort of hot line??? Or a buddy system??

So ladies..I’m not sure what to tell you. You can try getting that long blond wig or maybe dressing up like a cheap cocktail waitress. Maybe take a trip to Vegas..Or perhaps its better to just invest in a nice heavy set of golf clubs. Just a word of advice. Next time..use the driver.