I joined the cult this Sunday. A fanatic society in which thirty and forty something women worship teenage boys in overpriced amphitheaters with stadium seating and feed on ten dollar snacks that are disturbingly both pretzel and cinnamon bun. Obviously invented for all those movie goers who find the choice of baked goods to be overwhelming.
Of course, its understandable that the cougars have fallen for the Cullens because the entire clan is dressed for New Moon in Talbots/Burberrys garage sale rejects. I predict that this ’Preppy Unhinged Look” as my friend Tim calls it, is going to be the next rage. It’s perfect for those May/December romances…and possibly for mysterious single car crashes on the way to the golf course…Note my friend in the picture at the top of the post is assuming the appropriate facial expression to pull off the fad.
So Ladies..I heard you gasp and sigh at the werewolf’s impressive, albeit most likely airbrushed abs, and the vampire’s pasty, brooding glare and alarmingly angry eyebrows. Which will it be ..bestiality or necrophilia?
Vampires:
Pros:
Self-sustained, bi-ped locomotion. Very handy for quick runs to the grocery store providing you can find a twenty-four hour Stop n Shop.
Dating a guy who isn’t disappointed when Aunt Flow is here for a visit.
Never needing to be seen in harsh full daylight or having to having wear a bathing suit while sunbathing on a beach full of nineteen year olds. Face it..candle light is so much more forgiving.
No annoying in laws.
Having a man who is never sick. No whiny men with the sniffles???..Oh sweet Jesus..I am in!!!
Saving a fortune on birth control.
No cooking..ever again!!
Cons:
Having to stare into that constipated puss. Seriously, can you imagine his orgasm face??
There not being enough Botox in the universe to keep me looking seventeen forever.
Dating a man who is prettier than me and has better hair.
Realizing that a man who is over two hundred could clearly kick my ass at Scrabble and crossword puzzles.
Cheesy one liners and drawn out dramatic pauses. Aww..heck..who am I kidding..I love those!!
Werewolves
Pro:
Wolves that big must be hung like…well, like big arse wolves.
Less laundry..These guys never seem to wear shirts.
Loving a man who prefers doggy style.
Never having to think about digusting Tofu again.
Cons:
Dog Breath..Bleak!!
Fur in the bed.
Getting your face raked with wolf claws during an argument, but hey..at least its not a chimpanzee eating your FACE off.
Having to plan parental visits and vacations around the lunar cycle.
Needing to throw out all my silver jewelry.
Housebreaking..always a bitch.
True..neither seems ideal..but I can admit that opening ones mind to both animals and dead people certainly widens the dating pool. And maybe I will get lucky and my new man will mistakenly eat my boss…..Officer, I swear I didn’t put that pint of blood or raw meat in her pocket….It was a Christmas gift!!!
I’m laughing so hard it hurts!!! Pedophilia(the kid’s 17)/bestiality all the way!!! And your friends got the Cullen look nailed! You’re priceless!!
I laughed so hard,I almost fell off my chair, and that’s saying something. Mostly, I just sit around looking constipated.
hahaha…I’m glad you share my humor…
Thanks for the daily cheer.
fyi twilight wolves changing is irrelevant to the lunar cycle…but this was really funny.
I realize that the author of the Twilight series did not follow any of the common lore of either vampires or werewolves, and I have to say that is one of my many criticisms of the author..I prefer the classic folktales.
When did monsters become superheroes?
Good review! Screw Ebert! So when is your write up on ‘2012′ due out?
Considerably, the post is in reality the sweetest on this worthw hile topic. I concur with your conclusions and will thirstily look forward to your coming updates. Saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the fantasti c clarity in your writing. I will at once grab your rss feed to stay informed of any updates with my hemorrhoids review website.Solid work and much success in your business dealings!Thank you very much.
Well-written. Thanks. I have been learning a lot about low-fat cooking lately. There are a lot of creative recipes using rice out there, the trick is finding one that really brings out the flavor of the rice you are using. Visit my blog if you’d like to read more. Thanks again for this blog – it is really informative.
Your blog looks great. What template have you been using?
Thank you this was a ace read
Hey, I just wanted to say what a brilliant website. I totally enjoyed it and found it entertaining reading. Can’t wait for your next post!
Hey, I have been searching the web for romantic ideas and found your site. good work.
Great post..will bookmark this..thanks
“I have to say seems that you completely seized the dead-on essence of the state of affairs close at hand. While numerous appear to have neglected the main thought of the whole thing, what you submitted previous is complete in addition to being right on. I am not alleging that I agree on all items; however, I must say you have presented me grounds to pause and think of some of the premises that I conceived that I held up as unfluctuating opinions in that attentivenesses. Well stated, and time for someone like myself to ponder a bit more on a couple of your main items. All At Once I have to think I must compliment you for you have have added a little thoght to the World.”
“Nicely done! It seems as though you completely caught the representative nitty-gritty of the state of affairs at hand. While numerous appear to have left out the essential point of it all, what was put forward higher up is luculent in additon to being on the nose. I am not saying that I concur on all points; nonetheless, I must say that you did granted me cause to ponder many of the tips that I recalled that I viewed as as unfluctuating beliefs in that affects. Convincingly said, and time for someone like me to consider a bit more connected to some of the main items. In summary, I have to think I must compliment you for you have have added a little thoght to the World.”
Very Good Post. I will add this post to my bookmarks.
omg several of the remarks many people distribute are a bit spacey, in many instances i ponder whether they truly read the posts and content before writing or whether or not they pretty much read over the subject of the blog post and come up with the first thought that drifts into their minds. in either case, it is really enjoyable to browse clever commentary every now and then compared to the identical, traditional post vomit that i regularly observe on the internet
i may not have imagined this had been excellent just a few years ago however it’s amusing how age shifts the manner of how you understand quite a few creative ideas, thank you for the write-up it’s nice to read some thing smart occasionally instead of the typical garbage mascarading as a blog on the internet, i’m off to have fun with a few rounds of zynga poker, cheers