Well, I knew I was nuts…but I’m starting to think that I might be certifiably crazy. I will let you be the judge.
Recently, I met a guy for a drink at a little dive bar. Five minutes before we were supposed to meet, I started to get the ‘oh crap’ feeling. That’s not the weird part…and me giving myself a little pep talk while gazing into the rear view mirror did not cause me excessive concern either.
Things grew worse..much, much worse.
I got out of the car and met the guy…It might have been the man himself or the fact that I was still reeling from THE break up. I couldn’t get a fix on the guy and couldn’t come close to forming an opinion. He appeared before me like one of those hologram stickers. If I tilted it one way, he was cute and of an average weight, tilt the frame the other way……
I pounded two beers as we small talked our way through the next hour and a half. The beer kicked in…but shockingly the beer goggles I keep in my purse for just such moments never made an appearance. And I am a light weight…..L-I-G-H-T…I once hit on a woman thinking she was just a petite man with a God awful page boy hair cut…not my proudest moment and a story for another time.
The date finally came to a close, and we both got up to go to the bathroom…
And NOW the real weirdness began.
I did my business and gave myself a little once over in the mirror. When I got back into the restaurant, the guy wasn’t out of the bathroom. I waited one minute..two minutes…three minutes…
The dude had abandoned me!!!!
Rather than spend the last few excruciating last minutes in my presence, he bolted. Okay…I could deal…I got in my car and drove home.
I was fumbling around in my purse for my house keys when I got the text…..”Where are you?”
Ummm…..at home looking through junk mail?????
Yes, I am a freak. The poor guy was probably just taking some time to ride the log shoot, and I flipped out like Joan Crawford at the dry cleaners. And the worst part, other than the realization that I am a paranoid borderline psychotic, is thinking about what happened at the bar. Did the man assume that I had fallen and couldn’t reach my medical alert button? Did he go in and look??
Two days later.. I got a text saying that he had a good time, but he didn’t think either of us felt any sparks…bless him, he was kind enough not to mention the fact that I could probably benefit from some sort of electric shock therapy.
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Well, I knew I was nuts…but I’m starting to think that I might be certifiably crazy. I will let you be the judge.
You are just too funny! I love reading your blogs. He just wasn't meant for you! But still funny!
Bwhhhahaaa! Oh, my GAWD!!! I just peed myself! What a date. Hey did he pay? Let's hope so, right? Otherwise there is a really pissed off bartender. OK, now I have got to hear about you hitting on Ms. Pageboy!
Great stuff, cant wait for the next post.
For always making me laugh I have a gift for you at my blog!
hahahaha! This is a great first date story. A little sad but funny nonetheless!
If nothing else at least this story made me smile and brightened up my day.
Thanks for sharing!
That is TO-tally something I would do… I hate dating… especially this time of year, so I feel your pain.
Hahaha….Ever since I posted this, my friends are all afraid to use the bathroom around me.
Stick to church socials? Sparkling Martinelli?